


Back Against the Wall

by matimae



Category: Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Whump, Gen, Hurt Jason Todd, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insomnia, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Torture, Whump, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21703720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matimae/pseuds/matimae
Summary: AU, where weeks after Slade has been defeated Jason returns home, and things just can't seem to go his way.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Garfield Logan & Raven & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson & Koriand'r & Garfield Logan & Raven & Jason Todd & Rose Wilson, Dick Grayson/Koriand'r
Comments: 29
Kudos: 194





	1. Got No Other Place To Hide

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter of my first Titans fic! You should know that this one is going to get very whumpy and very heavy.
> 
> THIS STORY WILL HAVE SPOILERS FOR TITANS S1 AND S2!
> 
> This is supposed to take place weeks after the finale of s2, where Jason comes back to Titans Tower after living on the streets after he ran out when Rose told him the truth about her and her father.
> 
> (Story and chapter's title from "Back Against the Wall" by Cage the Elephant.)

Dick was lying in his bed again, unable to sleep just staring at the ceiling. 

He was always surrounded by loss, but just being in the tower was subjecting him to all the painful and unwanted memories of Donna. 

His guilt over that night hadn’t subsided, but then when did his guilt ever leave him? 

Thoughts of ‘you should have been better’ ‘you should have saved her’ ‘you let everyone down’ were racing through Dick’s head as he turning onto his side, the voices never stopped. 

He was awake and alert when he heard his phone buzz, slowly he blinked at the bright luminescent screen. 

INTRUDER ALERT

That was all Dick needed for an excuse to jump out of bed and focus on something else. He debated grabbing his gun in his top dresser drawer, but he decided against it. He told himself that he didn’t grab it because he could handle this without it and didn’t want to shoot someone, but Dick knew there was also a deeper reason that he just might not care anymore. 

But he would protect Rachel and Gar no matter what. His bare feet padded against the cold floor as he stuck to the walls in an effort to not give his position away to any possible intruder. 

Dick stepped from the stretched out shadows and into the hall, his hands balling up into a fist, his whole body on high alert. 

Dick scoured the living room before his eyes landed on a figure standing in his kitchen, they were shrouded in darkness from the night and outlined by a hood. 

Dick did his best to approach the kitchen with still holding onto the element of surprise, he studied the figure, the possibility that it could be Gar was nagging him in the back of his mind, but he approached the mystery man from behind, telling himself that he was ready for anything. 

He would soon learn that he wasn’t ready for anything. 

“Freeze!” Dick said in a commanding tone. 

The figure did in fact freeze before turning to face Dick, his hands floating up to remove his sweatshirt hood, letting it fall loosely against his shoulders. 

Dick’s brows furrowed. 

“Jason?”

“Yeah. What’s up, I’m not welcome here anymore?” Jason replied with his usual aggressive tone to deflect.

Dick’s mind was still trying to catch up, “What? No, you’re always welcome here. I just- what are you doing here right now? At like, 3 in the morning?” 

Jason averted his gaze, “Needed a place to stay. Sick of the streets.” Jason wanted to say that he needed a home, a family, that he couldn’t face Bruce and the Titans were all he had left, but he couldn’t say that. Not to Dick. Not at 3 AM. No, he wouldn’t be that vulnerable kid again. 

“Okay,” Dick nodded, not wanting to pry. It was clear to him that the kid needed sleep, who knows the last good meal he had, the last time he got more than 2 hours, even a shower. 

He tried to make his voice as soft and welcoming as possible, there was no need for any more hostility, the Titans had had enough fights between them to last a lifetime. “Your room is just how you left it. Do you need anything? Food?” 

Jason looked between the kitchen and Dick and then just shook his head. He didn’t really know what he was doing. 

Dick thought about telling him that Rose was still here but eventually decided against it. The kid needed a good sleep and Dick doubted that that could happen if he knew the girl who broke his heart was a couple of rooms away. 

Jason nodded and made his way through the familiar tower, as Dick watched him go he couldn’t help but notice the slight hobble to his step. 

If he asked him about it Jason would most likely tell him that it was 3 AM, no one’s walking normal, but Dick knew better. He knew how hard the streets can be. 

Dick leaned back against the counter in the kitchen, staring at the empty space where Jason was standing just a moment ago. He was alive, he was home now. Dick tried to focus on that, but he couldn’t hide the obvious worry etched on his face. 

Dick sighed as he pulled out his phone to dismantle the warning, he clicked on his contacts, his thumb hovering over Bruce’s name. 

He should call him, right? 

Dick clicked off his phone putting it back into his pocket. Bruce had a tracker in Jason, surely he knew that he was back. 

He sat on his bed and considered just staying up, in a few hours he should be up anyway.   
Every time he closed his eyes he saw Donna’s limp body hanging over the pole, he felt her still body against his as he held her for the last time. Dick let out a shuddered sigh as he slumped back into his bed his hand resting over his face. 

\---

Not too many feet away in Jason’s room he too lay staring at the ceiling, sleep refusing to come to him. Jason was so tired, so tired. Why couldn’t he just sleep? 

Jason gave up and his feet hit the side of his bed with a thud, he grabbed a pair of headphones on top his dresser on the other side of his room. 

Plugging in his phone he pumped on some heavy metal. 

Soon his thoughts were drowned out by the deafening pounding of the music against his ears, and he found himself able to lay on his back sinking into the sound, his eyes closing for a moment of rest.


	2. Fabricated Disbelief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason clashes with Hank Dawn and Rose after some unresolved tension.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one might be a little dialog heavy, mainly because it's mostly a self-indulgent chapter, because I am so not over 2x07 and how they handled the ending.

Jason thought he might have fallen asleep for a few minutes when he became suddenly aware of his surroundings and the music that was still blaring through his headphones. 

His heart was pounding as he sat up in his bed, why were mornings always the worst? 

With an aggressive thrust, Jason tossed his headphones to the other side of the bed and got up to stare out his window. He hadn’t broken the habit yet. Maybe he got it from Bruce, brooding over a city. Maybe it was just something that came with the territory of being a vigilante. Either way, Jason was sick of it. He blinked away his numbness and without bothering to even change his sweatshirt he left his room, left his memories behind. 

Jason seated himself in the center of the couch in his favorite position, in the middle with a clear viewpoint of the whole space, exits in all directions. 

Jason always needed to know where the exit was, ever since he was a kid. 

“You’re up early,” Dick’s voice came from the hall. 

Jason huffed in response. “Maybe I’m just up late,” he retorted. 

Dick didn’t look amused. But he couldn’t blame the kid, Dick didn’t get much sleep lately either. Super-heroing was not for the weak of heart. 

Jason looked down at the watch perched on his wrist, 5:30 AM. Yeah, early. Too early for Rachel or Gar to be up, but knowing Gar he’d happily sleep past noon so that wasn’t saying much. 

“I’m headed out, coffee. Let me know if you need anything.”

Jason smirked at Dick’s words. Since when did go for coffee when they had a whole tower full of it, and before 6? Unlikely. But Jason nodded a goodbye as he left anyway. Dick could handle his own problems. 

Jason might have gotten into a good rhythm, if not for the unusual cheery humming that entered into the room, followed by thick footsteps. 

He lifted his head to see who else was starting the day this early, Hank and Dawn. 

Jason couldn’t help but flinch as they entered, their faces flashing him back to one of his darkest days. They stopped in their tracks at seeing the teenager located on the couch. 

From the looks on their faces, it was clear they hadn’t entirely forgotten about that day either. Jason wondered how much they really knew. 

“Jason,” Dawn said in her sweet and almost undermining tone. “Glad to see you’re back.”

Jason bit his tongue before replying with any quick and rash words that he might regret later, the awkwardness hung in the air like a thick blanket preventing anyone from really moving or talking. 

It was Hank who broke the silence, and Jason gave him credit, the man didn’t back down. “Hey, kid, I just wanted to apologize. You know, about the whole accusing and everything..we just-”

“You just turned to blame the first person that came to mind when you thought ‘trouble’?” Jason spit, unable to contain the rage that had built up in him. 

“Jason we didn’t-”

He cut Dawn off, “You didn’t what? Think to act like adults? Think to not blame the kid who just came back after being held captive, tortured and then, you know, thrown off a building? You think that’s the person who’s thinking about pranks? Sure.”

“We didn’t know. It was just all piling on, Rachel and everything…” Dawn trailed off, it was obvious that even she didn’t think that she had a good argument. 

Jason turned away from them with a scowl. Picking a fight was just making him feel worse then he was already feeling, even though that had seemed impossible. 

“Hey. We’re sorry. Rose came clean some time ago, and we feel bad for jumping on the accusation on you.” Hank said, trying to stay as civil as possible. 

“Yeah. I’m just another case of guilty until proven innocent, isn’t that right? You only believe me when someone else confesses. Not to mention, how would I even know about your addiction? Or your old pal Ellis? And what was Donna’s thin again, soda? What does that have to do with anything?” 

Hanks eyes iced over, “Don’t bring Donna into this.”

Jason averted his gaze. “Sorry. I know she was a friend.” He wanted to say that her death didn’t excuse her actions, but that was a rotten thing to even think and Jason cursed himself for being so selfish. Donna was dead and here he was complaining about being picked on. There were a lot of worse things out there in life. Even when he spoke up for himself he still couldn't stop his self deprecating mindset.

A new kind of heavy silence settled in the room and Jason slumped back into the soft cushion, he didn’t want to talk to Hank and Dawn anymore. Not that he ever really did….

The couple seemed to be fine with that, they continued what Jason could only assume was their mundane daily morning routine. Heating up a pot for tea while getting the coffee going, they danced around each other in a lovesick way that could make Jason vomit. 

He scrolled through the local news on his phone, he needed something to do. He needed someone to save and someone to put away. Something to take his mind off of everything. Never the smartest to do in daylight, but if Dick could go off on his own that so could he. 

Jason jumped from his position with an amount of energy he wasn’t quite used to, he was going patroling and he was looking forward to taking someone down. The adrenaline rush soon died out as he saw the silver-haired Rose coming out of the room opposite of his. 

“Jason,” she said, the awkwardness of the situation wasn’t lost on her. 

“Rose,” he replied matching her tone before blowing past her, refusing to look her in the eye or give her the time of day at all. 

“Hey!” she shouted grabbing at his arm as he passed. “I know I messed up, but if everyone else can forgive me that why can’t you?”

He shrugged his arm out of her grip. “I don’t owe you anything.” he turned around in the doorway of his room and faced her.

“I really liked you. Do you know that? But you only really ever liked me because that was what your dad wanted. Your dad, Slade, you know the murderer for hire who also just happened to almost kill me, twice. So forgive me, if I’m just a little hesitant to forgive you.” Jason couldn’t resist the opportunity to close the door in her face.

The way her downfallen face looked was etched into his mind as he took a breath.

Why couldn’t he ever control himself? Why did he always hurt those around him?

Jason ran his hands through his hair as if to wipe his bad thoughts away.

It was fine. Everything was fine. He just needed to start moving, before the world started moving on him first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :D


	3. A Hand Holds Up the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Titans raid a weapons deal, and things go just as well as you'd expect.

Jason tightened the cape around his shoulders, trying to block out the flashbacks of his cape surrounding him and swallowing him as he fell…

"Where are you going?" Dick asked him, standing in the doorway, his arms folded over each other.

He looked like crap. Even though Dick tried to hide it by wiping bis sleeve over his face Jason could see it was bleeding.

"Patroling. Someone's got to keep this city safe." 

Dick smirked and shook his head. "You sound like Bruce." 

Jason huffed and tried to walk past Dick. "Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute, you're not going patroling." Before Jason could respond Dick continued, "You're not patrolling because we have a mission. That is if you're up for it."

Jason couldn't help but take offense to Dicks last remark. "I'm up for it." He challenged coldly.

Dick sighed. He had only wanted to be considerate. "Okay." 

"Tell Gar, Connor, and Rose to get out here!" he shouted after Jason as the teenager left the room.

Gar. It had been a while. Jason felt a tinge of guilt, he had left Gar that day. He was fed up with Dick but he also left Gar…

Jason didn't have to worry long because the smile that spread across the green-haired boy's face was enough.

"Jason!" Gar tumbled into a hug, Jason blinked in surprise, it wasn't the welcome he had been expecting. 

"I was worried about you man!" Gar said his smile still resting on his face.

Gar was worried about him? Wasn't he the one who was captured, brainwashed and essentially tortured? And he was worried about him? 

A soft smile spread on Jason's face that he wasn't expecting. "I was worried about you too. Glad to see you're okay."

'Okay' might not be the best word, because as Jason looked into Gar's eyes he saw something broken behind his smile. Jason knew that facade.

"Dick says we have a mission. Where's Rachel?" 

Gar looked down. "She went with Donna's body, something about her powers I don't know."

Jason felt that pang of guilt again. Gar kept being left behind. 

Jason nodded and patted his friend's shoulder as he walked past him to find Rose and Connor, he didn't know what else to say. 

Sufficient to say Rose was still hurt from their conversation from earlier, and Jason couldn't deny that he might be too. 

It was fine. They were going on a mission and he would forget all about his worries. Hakuna Matata. Right?

\---

“The plan is to take the building by all sides, Kori and Gar in the front, Hank, Connor, you go left, Dawn and Rose right, Jason and I will head the back.”

The team nodded their acknowledgment as Dick continued the breakdown. “This group isn’t one we’ve faced before so we don’t fully know what to expect, but I have it on authority that the weapons deal is going on tonight and we can’t let any more of these weapons get onto the streets.”

“We’re with you, Dick,” Hank said.

“Yeah, I know. Thanks. We just- we can’t let things get out of hand. Not again.”

They knew that he was thinking of Donna, they all were. Her absence marked the room, and Donna inadvertently taking Rachel from them too didn’t do much but add to the loss that they all felt so deeply. 

The mission was going smoothly, or however smoothly a team of ex sidekicks and teenagers in spandex and leather that were thrown together into a new situation.

Jason trailed behind Dick, he had wanted to go first but of course, Dick wasn’t keen on that idea. 

“Stay behind me,” he ordered and Jason reluctantly agreed. 

Their feet made minimal noise as they snuck into the back of the abandoned building, weapons at the ready.

_“Dick, we got something _,” Dawn’s voice came through the comms. “ _It looks like they’ve got an insane inventory _.”__ __

__

__

____

____

_“Why aren’t they guarding it though _-” Rose was interrupted with a thud.__

____

____

Dick and Jason froze in their tracks. “Rose? Dawn? What’s happening?”

“ _Just a minor- scuffle _...” Dawn said through gritted teeth as the sounds of hits echoed through the comms.__

____

____

Dick’s face spread in worry, “Okay, Dawn, I’m on my way.”

He turned to Jason. “Stay here. I need you to keep a watch on the back, we don’t want any surprises.”

“I can help! Let me come help them!” Jason argued, his voice rising in protest.

“You are helping, by staying here. Please, Jason.”

Jason scowled and looked down. Of course, he was sidelined. Gar would probably be able to go help, but then again Gar had powers. Jason was just a kid who had a suit. The sequel to Robin, never to live up to his successor. 

Jason fumed in place as he cursed himself for not being more trusted. Then again he did run away recently, maybe Dick was right in not trusting him. 

“Gar, Kori, what’s it like on your end?” 

“ _We're all clear here. Do you need us down there _?”__

____

____

“Negative. We only have about-” Dick punched out another assailant. “2 more guys up.”

Jason paced aimlessly and listened in on the action on the comms, left to just imagine what was happening with the team. 

Jason was unable to focus on anything then the sudden silence from the other side of the comms.

“Dick?” he called, voice threatening to crack. 

Jason could feel his heart pumping in his ears. Why was no one responding?

“ _We got ‘em _.”__

____

____

A wave of relief passed over Jason. 

“Let’s load the crates and take them to Titans tower, I’ll call Bruce later and he can deal with them how he wants,” Dick said, then telling everyone to come and give a hand, now that the threat was dismantled they didn’t need to worry. 

That’s what they thought. 

Dick brushed a stray strand of hair out of his eyes and took in the room, it was piled high with steel plated crates filled with high-level weapons, the dealers and buyers lay knocked out on the ground, they would call the police to pick them up as soon as they left the building. 

It went easier than Dick had thought, this gang's reputation didn’t really hold up, not that he was complaining. He could use a win. They all could. 

Dick sighed, “Okay, I guess start stacking them by the door.” he told Hank, Connor, Donna, and Rose, still waiting for the rest of the team to rejoin them.

Kori and Gar stepped into the room and Kori took in the team, a little bit disheveled, but still alright. This was a win in her book.

“Hey, Jason, are you on your way? We really need all hands on deck here to get out fast with the merchandise before the cops or any backup arrives.” Dick said leaning into his comms. 

No response. 

Dick furrowed his brows, “Jason?”

By now everyone was looking towards Dick. He did his best to dissuade their concern. “I’m sure it’s fine. You guys start, I’m gonna look for him.” 

Dick retraced his steps through the shadow dappled halls too the place that he had left Jason perched. 

He paused where Jason should've been. “Jason?” his empty voice echoed through the abandoned building.

Worry was starting to build up in Dick as he scanned the perimeter with no sign of the teenager. He looked down to the ground, noticing a small pool of blood. Dick dropped to his knees staring at it, his heart stopped. 

Laying in the blood was a small blinking capsule. 

Jason’s tracker.


	4. Like a Duck Just Waiting for the Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason meets his captor and experiences some Deja vu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this is a whumpy one. Basically just the hurt out of hurt/comfort. 
> 
> ((comfort will come later....))

Jason came to with a throbbing pain in his head. He scrunched his eyes tighter, memories slowly flashed through his mind from what his recent events.

He remembered being angry with Dick for putting him on watch duty, he remembered standing and pacing bored out of his mind, then he remembered the sharp sting of a syringe in his neck. How he had tried to fight back, but whatever was in the syringe had messed him up bad. The next thing he remembered was...Jason twisted in his seat and looked down at his arm, it was stripped of his suit and a dark line of blood dripped off of him.

His tracker. 

Jason tried not to drown in worry, but the gaping hole in his arm baring the absence of the one thing that could lead his team to him was a strong reminder that he wasn’t in control. 

“Ahh, little birdy. You’re awake.” Came a sing-songy voice in front of him. 

Jason’s eyes met with his captor’s, it wasn’t long before he found his voice. “What do you want with me?” 

The man chuckled. “I want what your ‘friends’ stole from me.” he paused and Jason’s mind started to wander. “My weapons.” 

Through his dazed and foggy condition, Jason could still realize that this wasn't good. Whatever he had drugged him with still hadn’t worn out, and even if Jason could break free the man that had taken him had to be double his size, although Jason would never admit it out loud that he couldn’t handle something, it was beginning to look like he was in over his head. 

His arm was still throbbing the recent cut, but Jason could hardly feel anything over his own heartbeat. 

_ This can’t be happening. Not again.  _

“My friends are gonna kill you. You know that? The last time someone took me he ended up six feet below.” Jason spit.  _ And I ended up falling... _

“You make a habit of getting taken kiddie?”

Jason couldn’t help but grimace at the man’s choice of words, making him feel like he was 10 years old all over again. 

He averted his gaze,  _ did he make it a habit? What was it about him that he found himself in the clutches of madmen all his life? Was it just his role in life _ ?

“They’ll find you. And they’ll kill you.” Jason repeated although he knew that the Titans weren’t ones to revenge kill, it couldn’t hurt to go overboard on threats. 

The tall man smiled revealing a toothy, pride-filled grin. “They’ve never faced Kyran Shields.” 

Jason laughed and shook his head, rookie move on his captors part to reveal his name. Although Jason didn’t know what he could do with the information quite yet he was sure it would come in useful.

“Now, how about you tell me where your friends are?”

“How am I supposed to know, I’ve been here all day,” Jason said in a mocking tone. It was his way of deflecting, his way of keeping some control over the situation. He had to keep control, last time he lost it- Jason blinked away the memories of his time with Slade. This would be different.

Kyran grunted. “I had a feeling you were going to take the hard way.”

The man dug in one of his messy shelves until he found what he was looking for, pulling it out into Jason’s eyeline he saw a blowtorch loosely fitting into the man’s meaty hands.

The bottom of Jason’s stomach gave out. “What...what is that for?”

“Motivation.”

\---

Dick paced around the living room of the Titans tower, he couldn’t sit still. Jason, Robin, his  _ brother,  _ was taken again. On  _ his _ watch. He had thought he was keeping him safe, keeping him out of danger, but he practically gave him up himself.

“Dick. Dick!” Kori’s voice came into focus when he felt her hand on his shoulder. 

“You need to relax. You aren’t going to be any help to Jason without a clear head.”

Dick swallowed and nodded, she was right, but he  _ couldn’t _ clear his head. “He was my responsibility. Kori, I let him get taken  _ again _ .”

“No, it’s not your fault,” she said in her calming tone. “We’re going to get him back. We haven’t heard a ransom so that could be a good sign.” she offered. 

Dick turned away. If years of working as a detective had taught him anything it’s that no ransom demand was  _ not  _ a good sign.

“It should’ve been me.” his voice broke. “It should have been me, not him, not again.” 

No, not again.

\---

Jason's arms strained as he pulled against his restraints behind him, the hard metal chair cutting into his back. 

His whole body trembled from shock and the spot on his shoulder where Kyran had ripped off his suit and burned him had gone numb.

He knew that wasn't a good sign. But for the moment he preferred the unsettling numbness over the searing pain it had been before.

He was terrified. His brain wouldn't stop screaming at his body that he was in danger, that he had to get out, every time he closed his eyes he saw himself falling, but he wouldn’t show it. 

Spitting in Kyran's face Jason smirked. "Seriously? That's all you got? Really- I mean, someone as old as you should know how to get someone to talk. The last guy that had me could torture circles around you." 

Jason's mouth had got him into trouble once again. Kyran's fists flew towards him faster then he could imagine and Jason was greeted with a sharp pain. 

He stretched his jaw.  _ Yeah, that was broken _ . "If you think that'll shut me up you for another thing coming." He snided. 

Kyran chuckled. "That's not to shut you up kiddie. You keep talking, you keep talking and turn that conversation into something useful. Something that will get you out of here alive." Leaning in, Kyran braced his hand on the top of the chair behind Jason, leaving no room for personal space. "Now, where is my merchandise?"


	5. I want to get away, I need to get away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason is still captured and the team is running out of time to find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again...very whumpy...👀👀

Pain ripped through Jason's body, it was all he could feel. His thoughts were getting lost deep within his own mind as he tuned out his captor completely. 

_ If he wasn't listening he couldn't give anything away, right? _

He thought about how disappointed Dick must be in him. The whole team for that matter. He had let himself be taken again, he had put them all in a situation that was just a bother. Jason thought about Bruce. Did his father know? Did Dick let him know? He didn't last time to Jason's knowledge. Maybe he wouldn't notice. Maybe he wouldn't care.

Surely if Bruce went through the trouble to put multiple trackers in him he would notice when they went offline. But he wasn't here. He wasn't coming. No one was coming. 

Jason vaguely heard Kyran saying something to him but he was so deep inside his own head it didn't even register.

_ No one would come for him. He was just a burden. They must be so relieved that he was taken off their hands _ . Jason thought about how much relief they must be feeling, no longer having to deal with him. He never should have come home in the first place.

Jason was brought back to reality with a sharp blow to his chest, knocking the breath straight out of him.

"I'm sick of asking you to comply," Kyran said, and Jason believed him. He was a difficult kid, of course he'd be a difficult captive. 

He didn't have time to give a smart remark before Kyran continued. "So, I'm not going to ask  _ you _ ."

"What are you talking about?" Jason asked through a busted lip.

"Video message. I'm going to live stream you, and when your vigilante friends see it, they'll have a nice  _ bleeding _ incentive to return my property. 

"This is all just for a couple of weapons?" Jason asked, partly hoping if he distracted Kyran with a conversation he would prolong whatever safety he was in at the moment.

He took the bait. 

"Oh, this isn't  _ just _ about my weapons. It's turned into so much more than that. A pride thing now, really." He shrugged his shoulders and looked Jason in the eyes. "But, mostly it's about the weapons. The money. My business. All very important things, and I don't appreciate you messing with it."

"Oh, yeah, it's  _ such _ a pain when your illegal activities are shut down, it's  _ so _ unfair." Jason's voice dripped in mockery.

Kyrans’ face hardened. "Keep laughing, birdie."

A playful grin spreads over Jason's face to cover the panic he felt rise in his chest. He was fully aware that he might have a better go at things if he was silent, but that wasn't his style.

He observed as the man set up a camera and pointed it at him. 

"I've never thought about being a Youtuber...but if I'm being honest with you, I definitely think this face could go viral." Jason joked.

His captor didn't say anything but finish up with the tripod. He took a seat at his messy garage desk and started typing on his computer. No doubt figuring out how to upload a video without being traced. 

This wasn't going to be fun.

\---

Gar hadn't slept since Jason was taken, he was held up on his room in front of his laptop trying to figure out where he was, hacking into cameras, anything he could. 

He saw it first. 

Gar's stomach dropped from under him. His mouse hovered over the play button on the video, that was undeniably Jason. 

"Dick!" he screamed, practically tripping over himself rushing his laptop to the living room where Dick had been pacing for the last uncountable hours. 

Dick's heart jumped at his name being screamed, in rushed Gar looking deathly pale. 

"Gar? What's wrong?" 

He didn't answer, the kid just set his laptop onto the kitchen counter and gestured to it. 

With his mouth turning dry, Dick took a step closer to inspect the laptop. 

His heart stopped. Jason was bound to a chair in a darkened room, it looked like he was in somebody's unfinished basement or garage. 

He looked so small, Dick noted with the pit in his stomach growing. 

The top half of his suit had been ripped from him, Dick could see blood dripping from all sides of his face, the beginnings of a nasty bruise settling in on his lower abdomen and Dick's grimaced as he clocked what looked like a massive burn spread over the kid’s shoulder. 

"Umm…" Dick found himself unable to form a sentence. "Do you… How old is this video?" He asked Gar with a hushed tone. 

Gar shook his head, "It's live."

Slight relief took over Dick, if it was live then Jason was still alive. 

"Can we, can we track it?" 

Gar's face creased into worry. "I'll do my best." 

Dick nodded and turned away from the video. He needed to let Kory know. Hank and Dawn. Rachel, Connor, and Rose, maybe a little bit later. No reason to immediately worry the rest of the kids. 

Dick folded into himself. He looked so worn and beat. Would Jason even last another hour? How could he let this happen to him? Dick was supposed to be his protector. 

"Hey, Dick... there's a message now," Gar said in a shaky voice. 

Quickly he ran over to see. A paper was being dangled in front of the camera. 

**2 hours.**

**My weapons**

**or his life.**

Whoever was holding the paper then walked over to Jason and roughly put it onto his chest, smacking it multiple times for emphasis. 

Blood rushed through Dick as he tightened his hand into a fist. In the video, Jason doubled over in a chair, the distress of being unable to breath was clear. 

"We need to find them. I don't think he has 2 hours."

Gar just nodded, his hands already flying over the keyboard. He would find them. He had to. 

\---

Jason wheezed in his chair, his chest was on fire and with every passing second, it grew harder and harder to breathe. 

Loosely he blew a strand of hair out of his eyes, it fell uselessly against his sweat stricken forehead.

He was exhausted. So exhausted. His typical fire that kept him raging was dimming to a low ember and Jason wasn't sure how much longer he could hold in before breaking completely.

In his pain-filled haze he couldn't track where Kyran was which was unsettling, how could such a beefy man move around so quickly? Jason mused.

Everything was happening too quickly, but at the same time, everything was so still. Jason hated this feeling, like living in a waking dream, more like a walking nightmare, he couldn't move and nothing was making sense. He supposed that was because of the pain. Or maybe he was dying for real this time. Maybe it was time...

He spit a blood-filled mouthful onto the cement, the remaining dripped agonizingly slow off of his chin. 

The sudden cold feeling of metal against his skin made Jason jump, he wasn't expecting the knife to his throat. 

_ Was this it? The end? _

Jason vaguely picked up that Kyran was behind him with the knife, but he heard something in front of him. Jason struggled to blink the delirium out if his eyes. 

"Jason?" 

He knew that voice. Jason dared to look up at the other side of the room, Dick was standing battle-ready, his new suit on. 

Jason's adam’s apple bobbed up and down underneath the knife as a half-smile snuck its way onto his face. 

He came for him. 

Jason let out a forced laugh. "What did I tell you? This isn't our first rodeo."

_ Might be my last. _

Kyran grunted and directed himself towards the ex-Robin. "You got my merchandise?"

Dick held out his hands in front of him in his best non-threatening stance. "We can work this out. Put the knife down and let's talk."

"How 'bout we talk now?"

Dick nodded slowly. "Okay. We have your crates outside. Now let Jason go."

Something was wrong with this, Jason thought. Dick would never come alone and he'd never put dangerous weapons back on the street, something was going on.

That's we he saw him. Connor. He looked plastered to the shadows, ready to spring. No doubt Gar and Kory were perched somewhere close by too. 

Jason's chest couldn't help but swell with thankfulness, the whole time he had told himself to not get his hopes up, but they had really come for him. 

Kyran was hesitant to lower the blade. 

“Prove it,” he said, unwilling to trust the masked man. 

Dick continued to nod and move slowly, he couldn’t afford to set Kyran off, not with the knife so close to Jason’s throat...

As careful as Dick was, it didn’t matter. Kyran had spotted Hank. 

In an explosive rage, he grabbed Jason by his collar lifting his small frame off of the chair with one hand, the other firmly placing the knife to his abdomen.

“Not a step closer! I’ll gut him! I swear!” he screamed in anger.

Dick’s heart stopped. Jason looked so defenseless, once again in the clutches of a mad man in the power of taking his life right in front of him.

Dick wasn’t going to give him the chance. Jason deserved more than that. 

“Okay, okay, no one is moving. We can settle this.” Dick said with his hand out in protest. 

Kyran was becoming more and more obviously unhinged with every passing moment, the wild look in his eyes terrified Dick to his core, this was a man who didn’t care about the consequences for his actions. He had noticed their sneak attack and now like an animal trapped in a cage, it was clear he would do anything to get out. 

Dick signaled to Hank to back up. They were treading dangerous waters. 

Nothing he could’ve done mattered, Kyran had lost all control of the situation and did the only thing left he had. He plunged his knife deep into Jason’s side, seizing the opportunity to run.

The pain ripped through Jason like a bolt of lightning, he had been stabbed before, but this was different. This time as he fell the knife came with him. Every millimeter he moved he could feel the knife slightly twisting in place, the sharp ever-present heaviness from the wound wasn’t one he had expected but was a feeling he couldn’t ignore.

Jason was unable to catch himself when Kyran dropped and he wished more than anything at that moment that his hands were not still secured behind him.

Dick was to him in seconds, on his knees turning Jason on his back to relieve some of the pressure on the wound. Dick’s hands were shaking. Why was he shaking so bad? 

“Jason, buddy, stay with me. We got you, you’re going to be fine,” he repeated as if he said it enough it would be true. 

Jason’s eyes flittered in and out of focus, unable to even respond to the Titan. The weakness from captivity had only made the impalement worse. 

Dick’s breath hitched as he assessed the damage. There was a lot. Up close he could see fresh burns and bruises, it seemed as if no inch of skin was left unmarred. He couldn’t focus on that. Not right now. He had to stop the bleeding.  _ Don’t take the knife out.  _ Bruce’s voice rang through Dick’s head. His father had hammered it in good, the knife was the only thing that was stopping all the blood from coming out. Until they had more resources in he couldn’t remove it.

A tear dripped from the corner of Jason’s eye down the side of his face. “Please,” was all he whispered, it was enough to break Dick’s heart. How could life deal this kid such a crappy hand? He didn’t deserve it.

“We got the dick-head,” Hank said approaching them, Kori and Connor strong-arming the limp excuse for Kyran behind him. 

Dick’s blood boiled at the sight of him. He would deal with Kyran later.

“We need to get Jason back to the Tower, we can’t treat him here.”

The others nodded and Dick turned to Jason in his arms, “Stay with us, okay? You’re going to be fine.”

Jason wanted to. He wanted so desperately to stay with his team like he had never wanted before, the blackness crawling over his vision refused. 

The sound of a loud hum took over his senses and Dick’s frantic voice melted into blackness as well as everything else. 

Jason's head lulled to the side as he fell limp in the Titan’s arms, and for a moment Dick had thought they were too late. 


	6. Guess I'm a Coward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has been FOREVER, I'm sorry guys! This year has been crazy, but I feel like I finally got a handle on life (as well as I can in the midst of a pandemic), and might be able to start posting semi-regularly. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me!

Jason’s pale body melted into the white bed-sheets of the infirmary, Dick hadn’t left his side since they had got him stabilized with an IV in. The heart monitor hummed in a steady rhythm that Dick was able to find only minor relief in.

  
  


Dick leaned back into his chair feet away from Jason’s bed and checked the time. 5AM. He _had_ really meant to get some sleep. He had told himself that Jason was okay, that he needed rest too, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave the room. He couldn’t bring himself to leave his brother again. 

_Brother_.

The word still felt weird in Dick’s mind. That’s what he was though, right? He was Bruce’s kid and now so was Jason. That made them family. Dick looked down at his feet, what a poor deal this kid was handed. Saved from a rough life by Bruce, then more or less abandoned again by the old man, and now this. Under the care of his supposed big brother and he was almost killed. Again.

  
  


He was a guilt magnet. Somewhere along the line, Dick had realized this about himself. He wouldn’t be able to stop the guilt from welling up inside of him, eating him alive, until it fizzled out or one day exploded. These days it seemed that there was no end to the pile-on of guilt, it just grew like a heavy fog choking out the air around him.

  
  


“Don’t you look awfully grim.” came a scratchy voice, barely above a whisper. 

  
  


His chair tipped from under him as Dick jumped up, “Jason!” His face molding to his first smile in days. 

  
  


“Who else did you expect?” Jason wheezed. But his eyes didn’t crinkle like they normally did when he made a joke. He looked disturbingly distant. 

  
  


“How...how are you feeling?” Dick already knew what the answer must be, and he really didn’t want to hear it.

  
  


“Like I was stabbed in the chest.”

  
  


Dick didn’t know what he could say. What could anyone say to him? He had let him get hurt again, on his watch. Bruce never would have let this happen. It didn’t look like Jason had much to say either. What he must be going through, Dick couldn’t even imagine. 

“Do you need anything? Water? Ice chips? I don’t- I don’t know exactly what is best...” Dick trailed off. 

  
  


Jason shook his head. “I’m fine.”

  
  


_Are you though?_ Dick wanted to ask. 

  
  


“Okay.”

  
  


Dick couldn’t put a finger on the type of tension that laced the air, but something was off. Maybe it was just because Jason was still fairly out of it, or maybe his guilt was just manifesting in the silence. 

  
  


The repeated vibrations from his phone gave him an excuse to look away. It was Kory. _Kory._ He needed t o let her know that Jason was awake. 

  
  


“I need to take this, I’ll be right back,” Dick whispered as he put the phone up to his ear taking a step towards the door frame. 

  
  


“You...don’t have to. I could, I could use the rest.” Jason said towards Dick’s back. 

  
  


Dick froze and turned to Jason, concern written over his face. “If...that’s what you want,” he said slowly.

  
  


Jason swallowed and nodded, his eyes averting his gaze. 

  
  


The Titan slowly exited the room. He wanted to give the kid all the space if that’s what he needed, but he was getting worried about him. _Really_ worried about him. 

  
  


“ _Dick? Dick are you there?”_ Kory’s voice came through his phone’s receiver. 

  
  


“Uh, yeah.” he shook any stray thoughts of worry away for the moment. “I’ve got great news.”

  
  


\--- 

  
  


Jason watched as Dick left the infirmary and was disgusted by the amount of relief that he felt when the other man left. He knew that he should find some comfort in the fact that Dick cared, that he had stayed with him. 

  
  


But all he could see was sleepless eyes, and face stained with worry that _he_ had put him through. He saw Dick’s face in anguish as he had collapsed in Slade’s grasp, he remembered the last thing he saw before he passed out from the pain and blood loss was Dick screaming in a panic. 

He still felt the phantom knife in him. The teen looked down at his chest, it was tightly wrapped in white bandages. Fingers fumbled over the spot where he was stabbed as he gently traced the wound under the bandage. 

  
  


It was strange. He could still feel the knife inside him, twisting, he still felt that helplessness that he could do nothing about it. He closed his eyes, telling himself that he was fine. That he was okay. That he was no longer in that dimly lit basement. 

  
  


When Jason opened his eyes the edges of his vision were blurry, maybe that’s why he didn’t see the figure in the doorway until they knocked again. 

  
  


“Jason?” 

  
  


He looked up to see Gar swaying hesitantly in the doorway.

  
  


“Hey,” Jason nodded at him, inviting him in. 

  
  


“Hey.” 

  
  


Jason could tell that Gar wanted to ask how he was doing, he could tell that he wanted to make sure that he was okay. It was sweet of him to be concerned. Sometimes it felt like Gar was the only one who over really did think about him. Remember him. 

  
  


“How has everything been on the Titans front?” Jason asked, breaking the ice. It was obvious Gar was nervous and didn’t want to intrude.

  
  


“Uh, pretty hectic. Business as usual.” the green-haired boy shrugged. 

  
  


A moment of silence passed. “We were all really worried about you, man,” Gar said softly. “I’m just really glad that you’re back. That you’re safe now.”

  
  


_Safe._ Was he really safe? Could he ever really feel safe again?

  
  


“Thanks.” 

  
  


Gar shifted on his feet. He didn’t know what else to say, what else to do, he would’ve run in for a hug the moment he saw Jason was awake but he knew that he probably needed personal space. “Well, when you’re feeling up to it, I convinced Dick to let me install an X-Box in the living room TV, it’s pretty sick,” Gar said with his usual lopsided smile, trying to lighten the mood. 

  
  


Jason was grateful for the gesture. For the invite. “Bet I’ll be able to beat you as easily as I can while sparring.” Jason joked, and they both knew it. The tiger could beat most everyone in the tower when focused. 

“I’ll take you up on that,” Gar laughed as he left the infirmary. 

  
  


The smile lingered on Jason’s face longer than he expected it to, it was kind of nice acting as if things were back to normal. But then the drip of the IV and the beat of his heart monitor stole that reality from him. He was still practically on life support, everything wasn’t back to normal.

  
  


Jason sighed. He might as well try to get in some more sleep before he was interrupted again. 

  
  


\---

“I’m just, worried about him Kor. He, he’s pushing me away. I mean, I suppose I deserve it, but he...he needs people around him. Supporting him. I’m well aware that in our line of work we tend to, think we can handle it all by ourselves. Brooding and the like. But, Kory, he’s 17. A kid. I just...what can I do?”

Kory sighed, her hand rested on her forehead as if to rub the stress away.

\---

Three weeks after his rescue and Jason still wasn’t feeling like himself. Not that anyone would expect him to bounce back that quick, well, maybe Jason had expected himself to bounce back already. 

  
  


Physical therapy was a pain but Kory was patient. It wasn’t much before he was able to do his regular exercises, or as close to it as Kory would let him.

  
  


“Jason, you’ve got to take it easy.” Kory’s voice pleaded. 

  
  


He just grunted in return as he continued his pull up routine. He was so incredibly grateful for Kory, she had been like a mother to him when he never really had one. But there was only so much pestering that he could take. He took comfort in knowing that she cared about him, but he needed to be back to his old self. He _had_ to get back to his old self. 

  
  


But he couldn’t do that if everyone was worrying about him all the time. 

  
  


Kory sighed and set down a bottled water. “Just...make sure you stay hydrated.”

  
  


“Roger that,” Jason didn’t look up from his pull-ups until he knew that Kory had exited the training room.

  
  


He froze and let out a shaky breath, being alone he finally allowed himself to show any real emotion. In truth, he was exhausted. He just wanted to sleep. _Maybe never even wake up._

  
  


Jason tightened his kickboxing gloves around his wrist, _no_ , he just needed to keep moving. Keep moving and never look back... _never look back._

Jason slipped his headphones in and pressed shuffle on his playlist, he didn’t really care what he was listening to, as long as it was loud.

As long as it would drown out everything else, including the unsteady feeling that the ground would give way under him at any moment, the same feeling he hasn’t been able to shake.

–-

The Titans had found that leaving Jason alone was often the best course of action. It caused less strife. Although it hurt Dick thinking that Jason might feel alone, but the kid always lashed out when someone tried to infiltrate his space.

Rose was the first to find that out.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone, ever?” Jason had screamed in her direction, he wasn’t sure why he was blowing up, lately his anger just came bubbling to the surface at every occasion. It wasn’t that he was even really mad at Rose, sure he was still hurt by her betrayal months earlier, but that was behind them now. Everyone else moved on. He did too.

“Jay, I just want to make sure you’re okay,” she interjected, though her tone was still laced with accusation.

She was defending herself. He knew this. He still couldn’t stop the pressure from swelling in his chest and pushing on his throat to be released, his skin flushed and Jason realized that he couldn’t breathe.

“I don’t want-I just need,” Jason flailed his arms in frustration of not being able to form any cohesive sentence. Jason squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to take a deep breath. “I just need everyone to back up. I can’t deal with you guys suffocating me anymore.”

His voice was softer now, but almost defeated.

Rose didn’t seem to grasp the fact that he was done, and continued at an elevated level. “ _Jason_! You can’t push people away! You almost died! I know that’s not uncommon in your life, hell, any of our lives, but you need to take this seriously and _stop_ pushing me away! I’m not Slade! This isn’t my fault! Why can’t you see that?”

Jason visibly flinched at the mention of Slade, for once he was grateful that Rose was so caught up in herself, she didn’t notice his discomfort.

Jason was done.

He had learned at an early age that there was never any use to continue an argument. It just led to someone getting hurt. Most times that meant him. “ _This isn’t about you_.” he said as one last remark, before quickly making an exit.

The feeling in his chest that he was going to explode was exponential, he really couldn’t breathe and only one thought ran through his head, the same thought that always did when he was feeling this way:

_Run._

\---

  
Dick tried not to but he had heard the whole exchange, it twisted his gut that he wasn’t able to solve this. This wasn't something that he could punch into place. This was a kid who was deeply hurt and was lashing out. He didn’t want them around. He thought they were suffocating him.

That was the last thing that he wanted to do. Dick had thought that they were doing good, these three weeks have been rough but the kid was resilient, physically he was doing amazing. The worst of it, the knife wound, was already healing over at a healthy rate, the bruises had faded slightly into just dark rings splattered against him, the burn on his shoulder...well that still needed a couple more weeks of antibiotic cream and clean dressings, but physically, yeah, he was doing good.

Jason was even working out. Granted, too much and too quickly in Dick’s opinion, but it’s not like he could really stop him.

He worried about his head though.

Being abducted messed with your head. Being taken twice in the same year couldn’t be fairing well. And torture, well Dick knew all too well what bring tortured could do to a persons mind. And he was still so young. Just a kid really. 17, couldn’t vote, couldn’t drink, already exposed to more trauma then most people will be in their entire lives.

Dick wished more than anything that he could just turn back the clock. Make sure that none of this happened.

But it did happen.

And it _was_ happening.

And Dick was left standing in his hallway, his feet unmoving, his brain unable to find a solution, and the guilt would start to form again.

He was a real pack rat to this guilt thing he supposed.

But Dick was older, he had experience, and he told himself that he was _not_ going to be an idiot this time, and actually not do this one alone. They all had each other, and he had to remember to utilize that.

Almost as if on cue Kory entered in vision. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he said back. Their voice’s were barely audible.

“I heard the shouting. What was that all about? Is everyone okay?” Kory already knew what the answer was, but she asked anyway.

“Jason and Rose got in a fight. She just wanted to check up on him at first, things escalated.Apparently he thinks we’ve been suffocating him, they both got heated. Rose blew up. I didn't hear everything exactly but I did hear ‘Slade’,” Dick tried to put it all out there as plainly as possible.

Kory nodded. “I figured as much. Though I will have a chat with Rose later, I don’t think it’s a good idea to be bringing up Slade. I know it’s been a while since it all went down, but with everything that happened to Jason recently…”

She didn’t have to finish. They both knew what she meant, everyone in the tower knew. The events were so similar it was almost jarring.

Jason being taken.

Jason being leveraged.

Jason almost dying.

First Slade, and now Kyran. The kid wasn’t wrong when he said that he had bad luck. It seemed to follow him like a shadow. It followed Dick too. He didn’t try to blame Bruce, but he had to admit... The Wayne’s had a long history of bad luck.

And it was only becoming more and more evident.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh thanks for reading!


End file.
